Dustin Ahkuoi

I find restlessness and anxiety about the future to be common themes amongst 20-30 somethings. I know that I have had my share of…”OK God what is next and why do you have me where you have me?” days. There have been times in my life where I have kicked and screamed when I didn’t understand why I was where I was …much like a child being dropped of on their first day of pre-school! I was reminded a couple weekends ago of a page in my story that I cherish deeply…but at the time I didn’t necessarily see it that way.

I was 24 years old and fresh out of college when i arrived in Roanoke, VA to pastor the youth of Emmanuel Wesleyan Church. I was full of ambition, dreams and big ideas about loving others, music etc. I specifically remember an afternoon in which I was so overwhelmed by the newness of where I was that I literally fell apart. It was in July of 2000 and I recall stepping out of my office and going up to the “Youth House” and just balling like a baby. I had some worship music playing and I was crying out to God asking “Why am I here? What am I doing? Are you paying attention?” I had several conversations with friends and I would tell them…”I want to be a musician…I am not cut out for teens…I want, I want, I want!” I was convinced that I needed to bow out and start all over again. Needless to say I did not understand the page that was being written in my story…I wanted it to be rewritten and edited to my liking.

Fast forward 9 years to a couple weekends ago…I see a car pulling up in our driveway…and I literally bolt out of the door in excitement to go hug the necks of three of the teens from the previous mentioned youth group. People that I did life with and had the priviledge of loving and caring for. People that I met when they were freshmen and hugged when they received their high school diploma. They were stopping by in route to a vacation destination to spend time with me…the return on an investment made almost a decade ago…still bearing fruit. I brought them to 12Stone that Sunday and they got to witness the family that I am currently blessed to be a part of. There was a moment of clarity during the service they attended that I shared with them. There I was standing in front of thousands of people sharing a song that I had written…doing something that is such a deep passion of mine…and in my view were these three “teens”…now adults…and it hit me…

It was SO worth it…it was SO worth it! No matter what I do in life or whatever dreams are fulfilled…I am confident that nothing can top the joy of an investment in just ONE person. I felt like singing “I can see clearly now the rain is gone” - in a faith journey of trust and uncertainty it is refreshing when you get of moment of crystal clear clarity.

I don’t always understand my current circumstances…but there is joy in the journey if I remain in the present and invest in what is right in front of me.

The year was 2000…the season if I remember correctly was spring. This was the time when my Grandma Fern was admitted into a local hospice in North Carolina. I was home from college for a few days and I had visited her several times. I remember the hospice being a peaceful place…serene and refreshing. On one particular night I felt a stirring around midnight to drive to the hospice and visit her once again. I didn’t understand my urge at the time…it was late and the Hospice was at least a half and hour from my parents house. Nevertheless I hopped in the car and made the trek to see my beloved Grandma.

To understand why I call her beloved…well…you just had to be there as I was growing up. She was my barber, my crossword puzzle partner, my funny page reader, my fresh out of the garden tomato sandwich maker, my scrabble opponent…my friend. As I entered the room where she lay almost unresponsive…the moonlight beamed into her room. The light was a cool blue color with soft golden hues. A sweet angelic song was playing on her CD player…drowning out the sound of breathing machines and the shuffling feet of hospice workers.. I announced my arrival to her and sat down in the chair right next to her bed. I grabbed her hand and began singing songs to her…it was one of those deep breath moments where I felt all was calm and right with the world. Around 2AM I fell asleep still holding her hand.

At 4AM I awoke with her hand still in mine and I glanced over to see how she was doing. What I saw was something that would mark me for life…as my eyes rest on her sweet face she literally took one deep breath…and that one breath would be her last. I sat in silence for quite a while so I could grieve and drink in the moment. After sometime passed I got up to close the door, walked over to the CD player, put on the aforementioned song and then just sat and cried - it was as if God in Heaven had picked the soundtrack for the end of her final day on earth. Soon after the song was done I walked outside to inform the hospice workers that my Grandma had passed.

My Grandma Fern was an accomplished woman. She had taught for many years and travelled quite a bit…yet none of her plaques, awards or material things were present in the room that night…none of those inanimate objects were there to hold her hand. It was the people she loved that were by her bedside during her last days. This experience pulled me out of my selfish, possessive little world and brought me into the light of love. I have not been the same since that night…and I pray I never will be.

When I heard the news yesterday of Michael’s passing I felt like I had lost a dear friend. Michael’s music ignited something special in me as a child. I remember staying up late to watch an old TV show called Solid Gold just to see if Michael’s video was #1 that week. As a performer he was enthralling to watch…his body emulated the rhythm of the music like none other. There was just something magical about the intensity in his eyes and the passion that flowed through his entire being on stage. His music gave me confidence and belief I to could impact others through fully being myself.

So today out of a heart of love I choose to focus on the inspiration his life gave to me. This morning I read a comment from John Mayer that expressed what I was feeling pretty well. He said – “I think we’ll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player.” Please enjoy this classic performance from the Motown 25th anniversary special in 1983.

About a year and a half ago I red a little book called “Rules of the Red Rubber Ball” by Kevin Carroll. Kevin is a “Katalyst” and change agent with a fascinating journey. His message about PLAY was transformational for me (see this post I wrote over a year ago).  Being a sanguine/phlegmatic I have always known that my extroverted fun loving personality brings color to the world…but in a working environment I almost felt like I had to shut it off. I felt like my playfulness and humor had a place at social gatherings on the weekends…but that was the extent of it. I even got the place where I began to take on the persona of a driven Type A personality…which eventually would have been the death of me! Kevin’s message awakened my spirit and helped me to be comfortable in my own skin. I cut out several excerpts from his books and put them up on bulletin boards to remind me of my new found freedom.

This past Friday (5/8/09) a branch of the company I work for held a leadership conference and several weeks prior I was randomly selected to host one of our speakers…go ahead take a second to try and guess who it was….yup…you guessed it…Kevin Carroll. I spent most of the day running to and fro helping him get from here to there…grabbing lunch for him…carrying his things etc. In the midst of serving him I got a chance to watch one of the most genuine and passionate individuals at work/play! At his book signing he was very much in the present moment…talking and laughing with people…encouraging them as he listened to their stories. On stage he was energetic and impactful…he even played his cello (which was a Yamaha electric…one of the coolest looking cellos ever!) with the house band. He was gracious and signed a couple of his books for me as well as gave me my own red rubber ball signed by him. He even sent me an encouraging text after it was all over.

So…I share all this not necessarily to make much of one man…but rather to make it known what true passion looks like in action. It was encouragement/reminder to me to embrace my own journey and to never hide the uniqueness of how I have been shaped and formed. If I am to impact this world it will come in a box that is wrapped and decorated differently than yours is…it will have different contents and may even be shaped a little odd…but someone out there…needs to be touched by my unique story…by your unique story. There is no need for me to be a  facsimile of someone else…but rather a brand spanking new individual in all of my unique glory.

One of my best friends in the world Matt posted a blog recently that really resonated inside of my heart. Hopefully this will encourage you as well. Here it is word for word…

Since I started substitute teaching a few months ago, I’ve heard a lot of interesting things come out of students’ mouths. Most of which is followed by me saying, “Under no circumstance is it ever appropriate to use that word to describe anyone or anything.”

And there it is.

Pretty funny…he even doe’s a little Michael McDonald at the end. Enjoy! Have a great weekend!

Just hit 33 last month and I am finding that I am coming to a better understanding of who I am and what I am and am not good at. Read my friend Ben’s blog the other day and he had a great post about “Knowing Thy Weaknesses.” In this post he says “It’s taken me a long time to know myself based on results… rather than passions.” So here is what I know about myself to be true….

I am a listener and a safe person to share thoughts with…but not a life coach or a guy who can give you your “next steps”

I am a shepherd who is empathetic…I am not the guy you would send to confront someone

I am a creative idea guy and a dreamer…but I am not the best guy to check off details and carry out tasks

I am a people person…but I am not a salesman

I can execute stuff on stage…but don’t ask me to put together your event

I am a grace and mercy guy…not the “tell it like it is” black and white dude

So these are just a few things I know about myself. How did I come to find these out…buy trying stuff. I took the wrong  jobs…tried on the wrong skin and I either was semi bad at these things or else I failed miserably. I also tried the right things and did things that gave me goosebumps when they were carried out. I gave a few things a shot that met me so deep in the core of my heart…that it was undeniable that those things were totally part of who I was meant to be. Does this mean that I just ditch everything I am bad at? If I need to confront someone or give them guidance do I run and hide under a rock? Of course not. I will make an effort in whatever situations come my way…but if there is someone around me that can do it better than I can…then I will gladly pass it on!

For those of you that live in the southern region of these grand old United States…I am sure you are familiar with the glorious restaurant called Chick-fil-A. Here at my work office I don’t think a day goes by where I don’t see someone carrying a bag from them or hear of them heading there for lunch.

My friend Kyle sent this video to me today and I just had to post it. This is a parody of “Yesterday” entitled “Chick-fil-A” done by comedian Tim Hawkins. Tim has been to 12Stone a couple of times and he is truly hilarious! I had the privilege of watching him 3 services in a row and he never ceased to amuse! Enjoy…

Not to long ago several creative minds from Play Chase Music came up with an idea…take people’s life stories and put them to song. The purpose for these songs would be to give them to the people behind the stories as a gift…and also share them with our church community to inspire and uplift.

This past Christmas we did a series at our church called “Intentional Acts of Christmas.” As a accompaniment to this series we created a website called inspiresharegive.com where people could submit their stories of struggle, hurt, redemption and hope. These stories consisted of many common elements…financial meltdowns, broken relationships, new found community and so much more. As the project unfolded we found our stories from this website as well as catching wind of other stories people had shared within our community. The video below (created by my friend Mike Martin and his team) is the first go around of what we are calling “Project Lifesong.” My good friend Nick Kirk wrote a song for a couple who’s relationship fell apart only to be restored years later. Enjoy “Come Back Home” written by Nick Kirk and performed by Billy Wilkerson: